...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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