I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
