Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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