is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
