lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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