i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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