I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
