Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
