My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
