Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
