quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Randomize
