I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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