That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
