I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
