And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
