ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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