dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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