So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
