just come out here and I will go home with you...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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