dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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