Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
