I'm going to jail i love you
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
