I'm going to jail i love you
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
