Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
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I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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