In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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