her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
