when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
