my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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