so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How does it feel to date your dad?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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