butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
