how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
