take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
