I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
