While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
