Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
