I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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