the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
