Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
