his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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