I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All I want is dick and wine.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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