My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
