no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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