i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
that may or may not have been my penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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