Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
