Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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