I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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