I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
