genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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