Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
