I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
