Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
whose parrot is this?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
