I bet he comes in French.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
