why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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