sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
