I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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