In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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