You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
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FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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