i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to make a zoo with you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
