Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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