I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize