apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
