So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
