Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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