420 ftw
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
