Plan B is the new Plan A
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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