as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
