There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
