Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
