You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
