omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
