NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
